Saturday, August 19, 2006 4:51 AM
Emo Rant
Current mood: confused
Everything seems so depressing right now.
Not like, a major emo...it's like a subtle feeling, growing.
I am trying so hard to stop it. I have been so "happy" lately. I use quotations around happy because, after all these years now, you would assume I finally learned it is a temporary feeling at best. I can feel it rising into my throat, and for nothing more than to be cliche-I want to scream. A true mess has become this. I need a band-aid. Someone has been very cruel and placed it just out of reach. I'm bleeding, and applying pressure. Pressure is only something to tide it over until it can be patched up. It is all ruined. In other news, all the drama from the last day or so completely drained me. I care far too much. In other unrelated topics, I am sad about the fact I can never be enough. Sure, this works for now; but it will not work forever. I know we have been over this a thousand times. I am ready for what will come, but that definitely does not mean I pray for it to meet me now. I hope you realise just because I can't does not mean I do not want. I'm sure you know that, but I can't help making it clear. "I'd give it all away." So many things you have said never leave my mind, even though we have talked so much since then. They are old thoughts I can't shake; I'm trying. I know it no longer applies, perhaps; but it will not go away tonight. Please say something. anything. fix it. I'm sorry I always ask you to fix it. I'm so grateful you always do it anyway. I'm done. Sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment