Man the Fuck up - you and me.

I was having a discussion with my girlfriend tonight. Her husband is currently incarcerated. He has been incarcerated for the past couple of years and will remain that way for the next few years. This wasn't his first offense or the first time he has put her in a terrible situation.
I am in a loving marriage that, believe you me, as not been without its ups, downs, dramas, fuck-it-alls, and forgiveness. My husband and I have hurt each other numerous times, physically and emotionally. We have separated and returned in the middle of our currently 13 year relationship. People make mistakes. We all fuck up. At what point to do you say...that is enough? Well, I think that is a personal decision for the most part. However, I think we can all agree that after enough physically harmful or emotionally harmful acts that enough is enough. Usually those are acts are blatant to the majority of us - perhaps not the ones in the relationship, but at least outsiders. When does it get fuzzy?

I respect real men (and women). I respect those masculine entities that take care of "business" in their home life. Call me old school if you wish, but I believe in every household (regardless of physical sex) there is a masculine and feminine entity OR two people that know how to switch on/off these two roles. I digress. The fact of the matter is, no matter the sex or role, for one person in a relationship to put another one’s welfare – physically, emotionally, or financially – in jeopardy (several times in this particular case) is despicable in my opinion.

That is what this particular man has done, in my opinion. So, I said to my girlfriend the following:
“My husband would never do that to me, ever. We have been poor (and by poor I mean calling relatives to pay rent while on food stamps and no electricity impoverished -below the actual federal poverty line poor). We have been upper middle class or “rich”. We are now middle class. We have battled everything from alcohol abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, depression, anger management, and just name it. However, my husband would never, ever, do something to get himself arrested and leave me alone. He would never put me into a position to be forced into illegal activity as well just to manage the fiscal part of our family. He would work six jobs and never sleep before he would do an illegal hustle/action to pay for something. All he is ever wanted was to take care of his family and he has been through hell trying to accomplish that. He has gone through real and true pain. Faced failure and humility and even begged for help, but he would never get himself locked up. He would never force me into a position to depend on him, get locked away, and then encourage illegal behavior on me to support myself and him while incarcerated. Real men just do not do that. They don’t.”

My girlfriend somewhat reluctantly agreed. A young man sitting near us spoke out after over-hearing what I said to her. He took offense that I said real men do not engage themselves in illegal activity to support their family. I found out in a moment that he felt this way because he works two jobs and sells an illegal substance (one I find harmless) on the side to support himself and his mother. He felt I was saying he was not a real man since he engages in an illegal activity to make sure his family is okay. He later vocalized his mother doesn’t work because she is a cocaine addict who now supplements that addiction with prescription drugs instead of illegal ones. Of course, I felt terrible.

I immediately went into a tirade of how I don’t find the substance he is pushing to be harmful at all even though it is still illegal. By all medical evaluation it isn’t even physically addictive (which launched a side argument because they seem to believe it is – despite selling it – but that is a different argument for a different note). Regardless, I tried to separate the two stories for him without going into graphic detail of why his scenario and hers are dramatically different. I realize now there was no need to even try that. I realize now that I should have just sucked up the confrontation and said what I am about to say. With no personal judgments, disclaimers, exceptions…..I truly believe the following:

People who love and care for their families and loved ones will not, under any circumstances, allow themselves to lose the privilege of being in the lives of those they love. So yes, “Real Men”, will do whatever it takes to be there financially, emotionally, and physically. Just as “Real Women” will do the same thing. “Real women” and “Real men” will work together, as a team, and make their lives work. No. Real Families will do what it takes as a family and network to make life as best as it can be for all those members. Doing what it takes means not endangering yourself, your family, and others to make a quick buck or have a good time. Doing what it takes means not giving up permanently and not asking others to do things that plague them legally and morally to make up for your shortcomings. Doing what it takes is being there – despite how you have to do it. Doing what it takes is not taking the easy road.

I’m sorry young man, but not for what I said. I’m sorry for not having the balls I once had to tell you to give up selling that substance – no matter how much we all may enjoy it (Legalize!!). Give it up so that your family will not suffer when you inevitably get caught. I’m sorry for not being strong enough and opinionated enough to tell you that I’m older and I know it gets better. I’m sorry for not being old school enough to tell you that a quick buck isn’t worth it and hard work gets you everywhere. So, yes, I’m sorry. I’m not sorry for “insulting your manhood”. I’m sorry for not having the guts to be real and honest with you. Good luck.

The nerve.....How dare you?

I was working rather diligently tonight on my poker business. Doing this work does include Twitter and Facebook. After some posting, I was browsing my news feed briefly when I saw a post about animal abuse. Something I have been seeing a lot of people speak out about lately. I found myself reading article after article on a site protesting the mistreatment of animals. In some instances I agreed and in others disagreed. These are all personal choices of mine. I eat meat. I ENJOY meat. I'm not ashamed of that. However, as I browsed I discovered there is one problem in my enjoyment of meat. While I don't believe it is wrong to take the life of an animal to sustain other animal and human life, I have a real serious fucking issue with anything, especially animals and children, being mistreated and abused.

Now, I am aware from a business perspective that it is not cost effective for all the little animals to dance on their own personal 10'x10' rainbow while being adorned with gifts, love, and affection. I understand it is a breeding and slaughter facility, and I realize these animals are not pets - they are product. I can logically accept that in order to meet demands set on these facilities that conditions will not always be ideal or easy to stomach. With that said, how dare you, as a corporation, allow workers to abuse animals?!! How fucking dare you? Let us look at this several ways. First, I would never allow someone to kick, beat, punch, molest, scream, spit, or abuse any of my "property" or "product" in my business. In fact, the poker league's first few lines in the code of conduct tells people they are forbidden to do these things to my property and patrons. Second, I find something severely disturbing about a person who does things like shove a broom handle down the neck of a turkey or grab an adolescent chicken by its wing (cracking it in half in the process) to throw it against the wall - for no apparent reason other than the animal was "annoying". Once an employee of mine exhibited some sort of severe anger and control issue such as that they would no longer be employed. Lastly, these animals don't get to live normal lives and ultimately meet a grave end. They are destined this at birth. They are doing humans and other animals (entire nations for that matter) a huge service. The most unselfish service of all. They give their lives so that we may sustain ours in a fashion in which some of us prefer - eating meat. I would imagine the very LEAST thing a corporation can do is not allow ruthless and disgusting workers to abuse animals already on death row. Of course, I don't know why I would assume as a nation we would take care of something that gives so much for us. Look at how we treat our veterans. Unfortunately, you'll have to wait for my rant on the mistreatment of Veterans as I haven't finished this one yet. Moving on...

I am also very aware of the entertainment value that most all animals possess. To be perfectly honest, I can (and do) sit and watch my dogs for hours sometimes. They are adorable and fascinating little beings. I enjoy the zoo, aquarium, and the circus as much as the next person. Or shall we say, I did. It all is a bit tainted for me now. I understand the animals need to be on display to sustain the livelihood of themselves, the keepers, and the business. I don't necessarily believe you can "exploit" an animal by allowing them to roam a habitat in which humans can fascinatingly peer. I also don't find asking a whale or elephant to do a trick or two to be very much different from my requesting my dog to sit, stay,fetch, get off the couch, catch a treat, be quiet, or kennel up. These are all things that my dog has learned to appease me, entertain me, and make our living conditions favorable. He learned these things for me because we have a very strong bond and because I take care of him. I don't think its shameful to say that if you'd give me a dollar to watch him sit and catch a treat that I would take your dollar. If several people wanted to give me several dollars to watch my dog, I'd accept. We'd perform our mediocre tricks for a crowd three or four times a day for a very short time then go back to living our normal lives. I'm sure this sounds cruel, but the dog would love all the new stuff he'd get from making those dollars. Not to mention, I don't think he'd really give a damn about my wasting one hour of his very "busy" laying on the couch day. With all of that said, how fucking dare you, as a zoo, circus, aquarium, or other wildlife facility, allow people to abuse the animals trusted to your care??!! I understand this is the way you make money, but mistreatment isn't even necessary! Let us look at this several ways. First, again, I would not let anyone abuse my "property". Period. We have covered that. Second, most animals will do most anything to please the people in charge of their food and well being. The ones that won't tend to remain wild at heart. I'm not sure how insane a person needs to be to beat a wild elephant with a pitchfork or whip and scream and prod a wild lion. I will say, whatever level of insanity that may take, that it is far too insane to be my employee. Lastly, these animal friends honestly don't mind making you a buck if you could just manage to stop too thickly padding your pockets and spend some money to make money. All that is necessary are loving and concerned keepers, clean and well planned living conditions and habitats, and time spent relaxing and playing. Instead, the keepers abuse, can't be bothered to clean the habitat or the animal, they are shoved in small stalls or concrete after a long days work, they are never socialized, and are often depressed because instead of fixing all of these clear morally bankrupt and unsafe issues with your business you probably bought a Beamer.

Now to discuss private animal owners. Oh, you didn't think I forgot about those did you? I think privately owned animals that are abused are probably the WORST. These abusers don't even have a corporation, legality, or ignorance to hide behind. They are just disgusting, soulless human beings. I'm sorry. It is not possible for someone who is mentally healthy to look at ANY animal, especially domesticated ones, and then abuse the animal. You can give me whatever excuse you wish, but there isn't one. For those who intentionally abuse an animal, I can't even discuss it. I truly cannot. This entire time I was trying to canvas my brain for some rational and calm way to discuss the intentional harm of a pet. I can't do it. It sends me into such an outrage. Lastly, I realize some animals do fall victim to low income homes or unexpected and drastic living changes due their families misfortune. I just want to say that if you can't afford to feed and care for your animals, call me...call anyone. Someone will help you somehow. Don't be selfish and keep an animal you can't afford to provide care and food. It doesn't mean you are a failure unless you decide to let the animal starve instead of seek help. There are shelters everywhere. If you starve an animal or have it live in deplorable conditions it is ONLY because you are lazy or selfish. Also, don't just throw your animal out in a dog friendly neighborhood and hope someone finds him (or worse, not even look for a dog friendly neighborhood).

*** I do want to take a moment and say a big THANK YOU to the douchebag that threw out a basset hound and terrier mix next to my obviously animal friendly house. In case you were wondering Mr. Dbag, they are doing just fine. The basset hound was given the name Floppy dawg, eats a ton every day, has more toys than can be played with by just him and his brother Einstein, sits in my lap to watch Law & Order, chases the family cat, and sleeps with his loving parents every single night. The terrier was called Seymour and it broke my heart into pieces when I had to separate him from his buddy. I had to make your walk of shame for you and take him to the Humane Society because he disliked men (I wonder why?!!). I gave them a nice donation and pleaded they find him a good home. I saw him a week later as many families were considering him for adoption. They aren't allowed to tell me who adopted him, but I am assured he has a safe and loving home now with a great mom.****

In closing, I wanted to mention pet plastic surgery - specifically dogs. This is bullshit. If you don't like your companion's ears, tail, claws, or teeth, then perhaps you should have chosen a pet that better fit your vain needs. They aren't rag dolls to be clipped and poked and prodded for no reason other than you want them to look a certain way. The worst of these trends, in my opinion, is devocalization ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devocalization ). Yes. An owner can get their dog's vocal cords removed or reduced to "cull frequent and bothersome barking". Are you fucking kidding me? Not only is this so very disgusting and inhumane, it is insulting. People just listen and try to understand for a moment. I am going to bring some abridged and simple man's science into this for a moment. Basically, dogs share 99% of their DNA with wolves. We have discovered that all domesticated dogs were produced from "tame" and curious wolves a very, very, very long time ago when we were hunters and gatherers. When was the last time you heard a wolf bark? You don't. They howl or snarl, and only when separated from the pack or alerting their pack of danger. Lots of physical evolution was forced on domesticated dogs as we bred them and as they no longer needed some of their wolf like traits. Dogs also evolved their communication skills. The ONLY reason a domesticated dog barks is because that is how it learned to speak and communicate with us...with humans. Maybe you should try listening and understanding when your dog barks instead of ripping out a vital part of its anatomy. You'd probably not enjoy me having a doctor remove your vocal cords because I want you to shut the fuck up. Why would your dog enjoy this? It is just baffling to me and insulting to our pets that humans would want to cull something that a precious animal developed entirely for our benefit.

Thanks for reading. Remember, save a life and always adopt!!! Spay and Neuter your pets so their babies don't end up back at the Shelter! And ensure your food and clothing and entertainment come from a humane source!

The New Ms. Manners...

As most everyone (or anyone who has spent approximately ten minutes with me) knows there is an increasingly long list of things that annoy me. I suppose one could call me high strung. However, seeing as how high strung may be too high brow of a phrase for most of the people that populate the earth, it would seem this day in age I am called a "hater". I'm perfectly willing to accept this term describing me, but I would not call it completely accurate. I do not hate people, and I do not hate the genuine efforts of people. I also understand that everyone makes mistakes. While I must admit that I do enjoy pointing out these mistakes, I do not hold said mistakes against anyone, especially long term. I am sorry if any of the following offends you or applies to you. I do still love you despite the fact that if you are guilty of three or more of the following social retardations then I probably think you are a douche bag.

1. The inability to say "excuse me".

To witness this little gem of rudeness one needs only to ponder something in a busy grocery aisle for more than a nano second. I'm not incredibly sure what drives a person to believe that it is some how less rude (or takes less energy for that matter) to huff, puff, foot tap, groan, and inevitably squeeze past aisle traffic with something that can be deemed only slightly less than a push or shove than to simply say "Excuse me" in a decent tone. I was not aware that one's canned peas were of the utmost importance. The next time someone plans to do this to me I'd suggest they call the President on the red phone because anything short of a nuke or military presence isn't going to make me give up my line backer stance as I investigate the price of my peaches per ounce when they start sighing behind me.

2. The inability to say "sorry".

Now, I am not speaking of those deep, heartfelt apologies between families and friends. Even the largest of douche-bags can muster up some semblance of decency whether genuine or faked when the situation is deemed important enough to them. I am referring to when one encounters others on the streets and finds oneself guilty of FDBB (Felony Douche Bag Behaviour). Now, as I said, mistakes happen. For one to be guilty of FDBB it is not the action but rather the reaction to an accident or incident involving the general public. In example, if one bumps into another due to texting or talking on a cellphone they are innocent until proven guilty. What proves them guilty? Not having the common courtesy to say "Oops, my bad. I'm so sorry". Bonus material: It is not acceptable to fall victim to one's minuscule attention span, cause an accidental disturbance with someone of the general public, and, as the offending party, scowl at the person that must have intentionally jumped in front of you.

3. The inability to hold the door open for someone entering closely behind another.

Does this even need elaboration? It is just a nice thing to do. At society's current point, I think one gets 10x bonus karma for doing and 100 dick-head points for not doing it. My new plan for the upcoming months is to wait for someone to let a door almost give me a Heidi Montag makeover before following them around the store, waiting until they are prepared to exit, quickly exit first, and then hold the door closed until they figure out the error of their ways. Hey, it isn't more rude then not holding it open for .5 seconds longer upon entering.

4. Not responding to an invitation, especially one requesting an rsvp.

For the record, RSVP means "Please Reply". It doesn't not mean only reply if one is coming or only reply if one is not coming. "Regrets Only" is reserved for events in which they assume one is coming unless one states otherwise. RSVP means tell the host either yes or no...and no maybes. Can you think of anything more rude than someone not wanting to come to my party, charity event, dinner, poker game, birthday, or game night?!!!! If you said "yes" you are right...if by "yes" you meant "Yes! Not politely and gracefully declining your invitation, Shannon!". If one doesn't want to come to an event, it isn't rude to politely decline. It is rude to say nothing at all. It is just that simple. Just because it is a piece of paper, text message, or facebook invitation doesn't mean one is allowed to ignore it. It is essentially no different than me standing in front of the offending party and asking "Would you like to come to such and such event?" and them giving me the silent treatment, or worse, saying "OMG LOL Did U C this Vid on Utube".

5. Not helping with the dishes after a group meal of any kind.

I completely have a double standard on this matter, and I absolutely do not care what anyone thinks about that fact. If one has a vagina then one should at least offer to help with dishes and meal clean up. I realize this is no longer than 1950's, but for fucks sake doesn't a woman learn anything from her mother anymore? One doesn't actually have to DO anything other than make the offer. Typically the host will not allow a guest to do dishes and clean unless they are close friends or family, but one is still a douche-bag for not offering. I can realistically with no exaggeration name only three women in Arizona that I can say follow this rule of etiquette. For the record, women wanted equality in the workplace and in the home not in douchebaggery.

6. Not teaching children manners.

It is bad enough the world is populated with douchebags, but now they are teaching this behavior to their children. Really? REALLY? One should remember that children use to be seen not heard. Now everyone wants children to have their own little voices. I'm not against this at all. I completely support it if, and only if, the parent can first teach the little chatter box to say "yes ma'am", "no ma'am", "yes sir", "no sir", "please", "thank you", "excuse me", and "sorry". If the child (or parent) can't exhibit these basic manners, then it (or its parent) should shut the hell up.

7. Not bringing a beer or bottle to BYOB.

Pretty basic stuff here. Sometimes I can afford for people to come over and drink all of my beer with me. Sometimes I can't afford for people to come over and drink all of my beer with me. If I have opened my home to the public and politely requested that the public bring their own beverage, it is one of those times when my house is willing to have the public despite the fact that my pocketbook can't afford the public's beer habits. I expect the public to either bring beverages or stay out of my house. I didn't want to pay for the public's beer, and I said so upfront. As a side note, one gets double douchebag points for bringing a six pack of PBR in cans, placing it in the cooler, and removing one of my bottles of Miller or Peroni when one wants a beer.

8. The general attitude of "me first", also known as being completely inconsiderate.

Was it really necessary to almost kill us both so that one of us (not me) could make it to the red light 5 seconds before the other? Also, would one mind not passing me at high speeds only to slam on one's brakes in front of me when the traffic slows us both down. I won't start ranting about road incidents or explaining my road rage. We would be here all day, and I couldn't possibly shove how I feel about it into a little paragraph such as this. It was just an example of how egocentric others can be. Another example would be not letting the person with one item go first in a grocery line when one has a cart full. Would it really kill one to wait an extra 30 seconds to check out so that the person who only needs a can of cat food doesn't have to be punished for making a bad line choice (not that one has much of a choice since there are always 30 registers and 1 cashier in the grocery store). Yet another grocery store example, One needs to have their damn coupons, discount cards, debit cards, or, God forbid, check ready. I don't mind that one uses all these things. Hell, I use them. I also approach the counter with all my coupons, discount cards, and debit card in hand. I had ample time to find these things because my three items and I had to stand behind the person who bought everything on isle 10, but was too focused on how the world revolves around them to allow me to make a quick purchase. As I said, I only ask that one be prepared to make their purchase instead of making me wait because one was too busy looking at the tabloids to dig out their payment options. On a quick side note: Get a fucking debit card. The kitten and Disney checks are real damn cute, but I assure everyone - that bit of plastic is less headache and not the devil's device to implant the mark of the beast upon us. Slide the thing and lets keep it movin', people.

9. Not watching children in public or someone's home.

We had a visitor with a child once. The child pulled a decorative weapon off the wall above the fireplace. It managed to avoid breaking his face, but our Chinese vase sitting beside the fireplace was not so lucky. The mother giggled. Was she fucking kidding me? Her child almost knocked himself out with a weapon and destroyed my property. How in God's name is this humorous? Would one want me to laugh if he had broken his nose if it had fallen on his face instead? Teach children to keep their hands to themselves. I did not have a child so I would not have need of child proofing my home. I am damn sure not going to do it for someone else's child. Watch the little human.Now, I wish I didn't have to say this; but of course I do. Parents do realize there are predators that want to snatch up their precious, little, snot-nosed balls of cuteness and frustration and do horrible things to them, right? So why the hell is one of the little ones running around outside a laundry mat unattended at 10pm? Yea, beats the hell out of me also. Oh, and yes I did tell it to stop using that pay phone as a toy. You are welcome because God knows what is on the thing the kid just had in its hands and mouth. I am the bad guy of course for instructing a child belonging not to me how to behave well. I'm such a villain, wanting children to not get hurt and spread communicable diseases all over themselves. I'm sure that guy outside in the van offering it candy is much more of a good samaritan. Lets face it. If one gets mad because someone tells one's child it is doing something wrong it is quite simply because one just made an epic fail as a parent and is embarrassed. Instead, let's try incorporating some manners addressed in the next paragraph.

10. The inability to say "Thank you".

This one is easy. Assuming someone does anything remotely nice to you, say THANK YOU. I realize not many people deserve it or earn it since they are far too busy pushing past someone, slamming a door in their face, not doing the dishes, not watching their children, not teaching their children manners, not answering an rsvp, not apologizing for minor indiscretions, not being considerate, and drinking someone else's beer. However, in the instance someone has good manners, a nice personality, or a helpful nature, one should always reward their good behavior with at least a thank you.

I wouldn't even call this the tip of the ice cube of annoyances. However, it is a nice start, don't you think?

The Woes of Decisions

I have decided I have no clue what to do with the rest of my life. I suppose I always thought I'd just figure it out. As if I'd have some sort of epiphany one day, and my life would be set on its proper course. In 26 years, this has yet to happen. There are various reasons as to why this possibly has not happened for me up until now, but the major one I believe is that this doesn't happen to anyone.

Oh sure, some people graduate and head straight for some life course. I'm not knocking them - in fact, good for you guys, but what about those of us that choose not to do what our parents told us must be done? It isn't a rebellious thing that we don't immediately continue our education or drive the course preplanned for us by our loved ones. I suppose I just thought there was something better for me, but I neglected that fact that I had no idea how to get it.

I feel as though there are some major flaws and setbacks in the idea of picking a life for myself. I don't want someone telling me what to do with the rest of my life or how I should go about figuring out what to do with it. Now, this statement certainly does sound like rebellion I must admit; however, it has very little to do with rebellion and everything to do with negative pressure. It makes me feel very criticized and lowly when others assume they know what is best for me.

I grew up quickly and roughly in "the school of hard knocks" that most others haven't quite experienced. For the most part, I have done the best I could on my own (that isn't to say I hadn't had help, but for the most part I've taken care of myself ever since I was a young teenager). By the time I was 17, I had traversed life experiences that most only expect an adult of almost mid-life to have dealt with and received such veteran knowledge of. By the time I was 23, I had experienced things that surpass mid-life for the majority. I think the biggest disservice of the whole ordeal is that it has made me long to stay young. My attitude and personality absolutely refuse to grow older as the rest of me seems to be doing with no regard to the fact that I keep telling it to stop.

Ultimately, I have some huge life choices to make; and I have no idea where to begin.
It would seem that everything that makes me happy won't make me very much money, if any at all. Everything I could do well that would make money probably will not make me happy. I can't seem to find the sweet spot of the Venn Diagram of life. Maybe there isn't one.

I know several things that I can do quite well that would make a decent living, but at what cost? I sometimes don't like the person I am, or become, when I do these things.
I know several things that I'd love to do that are creative and risky, but what about money?
I sometimes don't have enough confidence in these areas, and therefore find it hard to believe I could make a living doing them.

Responsible, safe, and comfortable.
Happy, unstable, and poor.
Which path to wander?

Children...or the lack therof....

I am 27 years old. I have found that I have beat my biological clock into submission, at least temporarily. When I was 18, I became pregnant and moved to Arizona with my then boyfriend (now husband of 6 years). I was dead set on having this baby and starting a family with him. After much turmoil, it all ended in a miscarriage. A few years later when I was 22, I found myself pregnant again. This time I made the choice to terminate because of the circumstances occurring in my life. Now, as I said, I'm 27 and have found that I am in no hurry to bring children into a world of conflict filled with troubles, disease, and poverty. I'm also too selfish at this point in life, and I am just enjoying the thought of experiencing a hundred different things with my husband before devoting our lives to a young child. I've also decided that I'd really love to adopt and/or foster many children once we have settled down and have the means. I suppose I needed to explain that before I make the following comments. Perhaps it will help others visualize where I am coming from when I say..........Using children to get ahead in life, in any way whatsoever, is BULLSHIT! (Thanks Penn & Teller ... by the way Mr. Penn and Mr. Teller...you should consider this for an episode.)

It has become apparent to me in life that I am denied many simple rights, and luxuries, in life because I have decided to put off having children. Now, I mean no disrespect to mothers or fathers. They definitely do have one of the hardest jobs known to man. However, I don't think that something that is so basic and primal and necessary in life - like procreation - should come with so many social and financial perks. Shouldn't people be having children because they desire them, can afford them, are responsible, and prepared to devote all of themselves to nurture these small beings? It has become obvious to me that this isn't necessarily the case. I'd like to cite some examples:

1. In Arizona, if your household income is the same as mine you are not impoverished - despite the fact that you can't afford anything. If you make almost one thousand dollars more per month than myself and have a child, then you are extensively impoverished.
2. In Arizona, if you are pregnant or have a child and are impoverished by definition of the state, you easily receive state benefits such as food stamps, cash assistance, health care, and WIC.
Despite being poor and unemployed, I am not available for any of these benefits unless I bring a child into an already poor household.
3. In Arizona, if you wreck your car and smell of beer and cry to the cop about being a single mother, you get a 75 dollar speeding ticket. Despite also crying and explaining why this could ruin my life, when I was pulled over for a minor traffic violation involving the registration sticker when the officer smelled alcohol I was given a felony dui despite not blowing twice the legal limit.
4. Anywhere in the USA, once you reach the age that all of your friends have children, whether they were ready for them or not, you will be asked at least once a week by someone when you are going to have children. The women with children are praised for the cutesy, inane things their children do.
5. In Arizona, you get the good spot on the bus. People without small children are asked to stand when seats run low.
6. When I go out and party have fun with my friends, I am not growing up fast enough, not setting my priorities straight, or not preparing for my future. When a mother goes out for cocktails with her girlfriends, she deserves a day away from the kids.

I am sure there are a million others, but I am getting to heated about the whole ordeal to continue. Basically, what is so special about having a child that makes you far superior to everyday folk? You deserve respect and have a hard job. You aren't a god damn rock star. I could squeeze a life form out of my vagina without thinking about the consequences as well, it doesn't make me special - it just means I have female anatomy.

I feel like there is some prejudice against women who want to enjoy being women (girls?) for a while longer.

I will leave you with some things Patton Oswalt said (paraphrased of course):

"All of my friends are either having babies or getting sober. They are equally annoying....."

"What about people like me that have learned to control their drinking and aren't polluting the planet with kids? Don't I get something?"

" All these people are like 'I decided to get sober', and everyone is like 'hey, let's give you a parade'. These other people are like 'I decided to squirt out a baby', everyone is like 'hey, let's burn your name on the surface of the Moon'. I learned how to stop at two scotches and I don't have any miniature versions of myself ruining the planet and everyone is like 'eh, whatever'. WHAT, WHAT, I'm ten times better than both those guys."

Definition....

So, I have been thinking about the word define lately.
Webster says define is a verb that does the following things: to state or set forth the meaning of, to explain or identify the nature or essential qualities of, to fix or lay down definitely; specify distinctly, to determine or fix the boundaries or extent of, to make clear the outline or form of. Now, after that brief English lesson, I will talk about what really has been on my mind.

I was thinking of all things that can and "do" define us. Personality traits, actions, speech, words, patriotism, heritage, religion, appearance, social standing, abnormalities, idiosyncrasies, career, family, and many other things, or the lack thereof, are all used to define people as who they are or will become or will never be. However, does it really mean anything at all? I have become to believe that it truly does not. I would like to think I have never defined someone on these particular things and let it shape how I feel about them. I cannot confidently say that I have not, but I do try to remain as nonjudgmental as possible. Alas, I am only human as they say and full of err.

With all this consideration of definitions, I began to think about the things I have done in my lifetime which probably have given people no true perspective as to who I feel that I am or how people see me today. I mean, to be fair, I once told an ex-boyfriend that if he didn't listen to me and we weren't getting back together I was going to throw myself from an overpass. I don't think many people today would ever envision me saying or doing such a thing, and, for honesty's sake, even at that time I had no intention of actually removing myself from this earth via my face meeting the freeway or any other alternate form of self eradication. I did however feel desperate, and desperate times, as they say, are full of desperate measures.

For the record, I don't condone self harm to make others see your point. I'd like to say especially because it does not work. The guy only thinks I am a whack job that he is better off without, or I feel confident he feels that way, at least. To continue on the crazy train, I also, technically, tried to run my best friend over with a vehicle. I wasn't actually going to hurt her, but it seemed like the thing to do at the time. Luckily, she forgave me after some time; and most people have forgotten the incident. I don't think this makes me a dangerous person or even violent person. I don't condone trying to run people over or harming your friends.

I also stole bread, ham, and cheese from a convenience store chain once. I needed to eat, and we were poor. I don't think this makes me a thief, and I don't support stealing. I know thou shalt not steal, but thou didn't really have any options. I'd like to think I am forgiven for that considering all the charitable donations I have made since then, and the prayers that have followed.

I once drank too much, and entirely too often. I went to Alcoholics Anonymous for almost a year. I stayed sober for 8 of those months. I don't think this makes me a drunk or wino or alcoholic. I think it means I am person who has many problems and an addictive nature. I don't condone drinking or other substance abuse as a way to escape life and your problems.

I am guilty of letting my hair and dress code be my main priority while also having a tank top addiction. I don't think this makes me vain, or just the fat girl trying to expose her better qualities. I think it shows a woman who needed to feel safe and comfortable and pretty.

I have a huge long list of confessions, but the point I suppose I am trying to accomplish is that certain circumstances make people act unlike themselves. Lots of factors can be involved, but does this really constitute me being the "crazy", or the "bitch", or the "law breaker", or the "alchy" or the "fat girl with cute hair". I think not. And if I think this for myself, then I have to apply it to others. Everyone deserves multiple chances I suppose. I mean, people can and do often change. Not only do they change, but sometimes they were there all along hidden by bad reactions to bad circumstances. I think mankind needs to be a little more patient with its fellow humans.

All of this leads into thinking about how people go out of their way to NOT be defined as something. For example, punk or alternative people who go to the extreme to not conform. Well, despite the fact that they all just conformed to non-conformity, should not something be said about the fact that they typically have a distaste for people who feel defined by their polo shirts and dress pants? Don't they engulf themselves in definition by going out of their way to not be defined as something else. What about the anti-girl or anti-boy? People needing so badly not to be judged purely on the definition of their gender. However, when they go to the extreme to express their inner identification, don't they just absorb into everything they didn't want in the first place?

I guess what I am trying to say with this is that when we work so terribly hard, as a lot of us do, to not be judged by this or that we typically only give in to the very thing we fear - definition or incorrect definition.

I think as long as you are comfortable with what and who you are that we shouldn't get so caught up on what other people say or do to define us. Don't let their comments or judgments hinder us. Also, we shouldn't be so afraid or self righteous to not try new or different things from our own personal norms just because they may re-define who we are or are not. Be open to new things, new experiences, new styles, new music, new ideals, and new...well, stuff!

There are so many dimensions to us as people. So very many. You can't get all caught up in just one of them because it is safe or because you are afraid. You are who you are. And you do change. For better and for worse. I think people who focus to hard on definitions or lack of definitions are doing themselves a huge disservice.

I think I will let Tyler Durden sum this up for me:
You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis.
The things you own end up owning you.
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Resident Evil 5 and Islam Girls

So, this week has been pretty unproductive thus far.
We did have a great Lost finale party, but I will discuss that in a later post.
I'd like to cover two things in this hopefully short but sweet post.
Resident Evil 5 and Islam girls in the grocery store.

Numero Uno - Resident Fucking Evil 5!
More to the point, RE5 and how it bowed to me and Clane. Wesker never even saw this duo coming. I have been playing Chris Redfield the entire game, and I must say...I make Chris look great. I let the husband have Sheva. At least he had some boobies to look at while we decimated the las plagas and saved the world from Wesker's Uroboros. I must say, unlocking Warrior and Heavy Metal Chris made me need to excuse myself for a few moments. I am eager to take my chain gun and wear my Warrior outfit and go Mad Max on some mutant zombie people. The husband of course placed Sheva in her almight Fairy Tale costume. It is pretty much the hottest outfit in the game, and I am finding it hard not to up skirt her all the time. I can't wait to finishing unlocking our favorite weapons unlimited ammunition! The only downside was the moment it became apparent Jill Valentine was "alive" somewhere was the moment I told Clane she was the masked bad ass we kept seeing in shadowy flashes. He refused to admit anything, but that only convinced me I just ruined part of the storyline for myself early in the game.


Numero Dos - Islam Girls in the Grocery store
I saw the most beautiful pair of women last night in the grocery. It was an Islamic woman and her daughter. The older woman was dressed very traditionally while carrying her Nine West wallet and produce. The younger girl had on a gorgeous head wrap, but underneath she wore a t-shirt, jeans, and flip flops. She couldn't have been more than fourteen or fifteen. Her feet shuffled and tapped to Billy Joel on the overhead audio system inside the store. It was quite possibly one of the most adorable and uplifting experiences I have had in a while. Seeing someone holding on to and passing along their culture while embracing certain American traits was awesome. It gives me hope that everyone can exist peacefully.