1. The inability to say "excuse me".
To witness this little gem of rudeness one needs only to ponder something in a busy grocery aisle for more than a nano second. I'm not incredibly sure what drives a person to believe that it is some how less rude (or takes less energy for that matter) to huff, puff, foot tap, groan, and inevitably squeeze past aisle traffic with something that can be deemed only slightly less than a push or shove than to simply say "Excuse me" in a decent tone. I was not aware that one's canned peas were of the utmost importance. The next time someone plans to do this to me I'd suggest they call the President on the red phone because anything short of a nuke or military presence isn't going to make me give up my line backer stance as I investigate the price of my peaches per ounce when they start sighing behind me.
2. The inability to say "sorry".
Now, I am not speaking of those deep, heartfelt apologies between families and friends. Even the largest of douche-bags can muster up some semblance of decency whether genuine or faked when the situation is deemed important enough to them. I am referring to when one encounters others on the streets and finds oneself guilty of FDBB (Felony Douche Bag Behaviour). Now, as I said, mistakes happen. For one to be guilty of FDBB it is not the action but rather the reaction to an accident or incident involving the general public. In example, if one bumps into another due to texting or talking on a cellphone they are innocent until proven guilty. What proves them guilty? Not having the common courtesy to say "Oops, my bad. I'm so sorry". Bonus material: It is not acceptable to fall victim to one's minuscule attention span, cause an accidental disturbance with someone of the general public, and, as the offending party, scowl at the person that must have intentionally jumped in front of you.
3. The inability to hold the door open for someone entering closely behind another.
Does this even need elaboration? It is just a nice thing to do. At society's current point, I think one gets 10x bonus karma for doing and 100 dick-head points for not doing it. My new plan for the upcoming months is to wait for someone to let a door almost give me a Heidi Montag makeover before following them around the store, waiting until they are prepared to exit, quickly exit first, and then hold the door closed until they figure out the error of their ways. Hey, it isn't more rude then not holding it open for .5 seconds longer upon entering.
4. Not responding to an invitation, especially one requesting an rsvp.
For the record, RSVP means "Please Reply". It doesn't not mean only reply if one is coming or only reply if one is not coming. "Regrets Only" is reserved for events in which they assume one is coming unless one states otherwise. RSVP means tell the host either yes or no...and no maybes. Can you think of anything more rude than someone not wanting to come to my party, charity event, dinner, poker game, birthday, or game night?!!!! If you said "yes" you are right...if by "yes" you meant "Yes! Not politely and gracefully declining your invitation, Shannon!". If one doesn't want to come to an event, it isn't rude to politely decline. It is rude to say nothing at all. It is just that simple. Just because it is a piece of paper, text message, or facebook invitation doesn't mean one is allowed to ignore it. It is essentially no different than me standing in front of the offending party and asking "Would you like to come to such and such event?" and them giving me the silent treatment, or worse, saying "OMG LOL Did U C this Vid on Utube".
5. Not helping with the dishes after a group meal of any kind.
I completely have a double standard on this matter, and I absolutely do not care what anyone thinks about that fact. If one has a vagina then one should at least offer to help with dishes and meal clean up. I realize this is no longer than 1950's, but for fucks sake doesn't a woman learn anything from her mother anymore? One doesn't actually have to DO anything other than make the offer. Typically the host will not allow a guest to do dishes and clean unless they are close friends or family, but one is still a douche-bag for not offering. I can realistically with no exaggeration name only three women in Arizona that I can say follow this rule of etiquette. For the record, women wanted equality in the workplace and in the home not in douchebaggery.
6. Not teaching children manners.
It is bad enough the world is populated with douchebags, but now they are teaching this behavior to their children. Really? REALLY? One should remember that children use to be seen not heard. Now everyone wants children to have their own little voices. I'm not against this at all. I completely support it if, and only if, the parent can first teach the little chatter box to say "yes ma'am", "no ma'am", "yes sir", "no sir", "please", "thank you", "excuse me", and "sorry". If the child (or parent) can't exhibit these basic manners, then it (or its parent) should shut the hell up.
7. Not bringing a beer or bottle to BYOB.
Pretty basic stuff here. Sometimes I can afford for people to come over and drink all of my beer with me. Sometimes I can't afford for people to come over and drink all of my beer with me. If I have opened my home to the public and politely requested that the public bring their own beverage, it is one of those times when my house is willing to have the public despite the fact that my pocketbook can't afford the public's beer habits. I expect the public to either bring beverages or stay out of my house. I didn't want to pay for the public's beer, and I said so upfront. As a side note, one gets double douchebag points for bringing a six pack of PBR in cans, placing it in the cooler, and removing one of my bottles of Miller or Peroni when one wants a beer.
8. The general attitude of "me first", also known as being completely inconsiderate.
Was it really necessary to almost kill us both so that one of us (not me) could make it to the red light 5 seconds before the other? Also, would one mind not passing me at high speeds only to slam on one's brakes in front of me when the traffic slows us both down. I won't start ranting about road incidents or explaining my road rage. We would be here all day, and I couldn't possibly shove how I feel about it into a little paragraph such as this. It was just an example of how egocentric others can be. Another example would be not letting the person with one item go first in a grocery line when one has a cart full. Would it really kill one to wait an extra 30 seconds to check out so that the person who only needs a can of cat food doesn't have to be punished for making a bad line choice (not that one has much of a choice since there are always 30 registers and 1 cashier in the grocery store). Yet another grocery store example, One needs to have their damn coupons, discount cards, debit cards, or, God forbid, check ready. I don't mind that one uses all these things. Hell, I use them. I also approach the counter with all my coupons, discount cards, and debit card in hand. I had ample time to find these things because my three items and I had to stand behind the person who bought everything on isle 10, but was too focused on how the world revolves around them to allow me to make a quick purchase. As I said, I only ask that one be prepared to make their purchase instead of making me wait because one was too busy looking at the tabloids to dig out their payment options. On a quick side note: Get a fucking debit card. The kitten and Disney checks are real damn cute, but I assure everyone - that bit of plastic is less headache and not the devil's device to implant the mark of the beast upon us. Slide the thing and lets keep it movin', people.
9. Not watching children in public or someone's home.
We had a visitor with a child once. The child pulled a decorative weapon off the wall above the fireplace. It managed to avoid breaking his face, but our Chinese vase sitting beside the fireplace was not so lucky. The mother giggled. Was she fucking kidding me? Her child almost knocked himself out with a weapon and destroyed my property. How in God's name is this humorous? Would one want me to laugh if he had broken his nose if it had fallen on his face instead? Teach children to keep their hands to themselves. I did not have a child so I would not have need of child proofing my home. I am damn sure not going to do it for someone else's child. Watch the little human.Now, I wish I didn't have to say this; but of course I do. Parents do realize there are predators that want to snatch up their precious, little, snot-nosed balls of cuteness and frustration and do horrible things to them, right? So why the hell is one of the little ones running around outside a laundry mat unattended at 10pm? Yea, beats the hell out of me also. Oh, and yes I did tell it to stop using that pay phone as a toy. You are welcome because God knows what is on the thing the kid just had in its hands and mouth. I am the bad guy of course for instructing a child belonging not to me how to behave well. I'm such a villain, wanting children to not get hurt and spread communicable diseases all over themselves. I'm sure that guy outside in the van offering it candy is much more of a good samaritan. Lets face it. If one gets mad because someone tells one's child it is doing something wrong it is quite simply because one just made an epic fail as a parent and is embarrassed. Instead, let's try incorporating some manners addressed in the next paragraph.
10. The inability to say "Thank you".
This one is easy. Assuming someone does anything remotely nice to you, say THANK YOU. I realize not many people deserve it or earn it since they are far too busy pushing past someone, slamming a door in their face, not doing the dishes, not watching their children, not teaching their children manners, not answering an rsvp, not apologizing for minor indiscretions, not being considerate, and drinking someone else's beer. However, in the instance someone has good manners, a nice personality, or a helpful nature, one should always reward their good behavior with at least a thank you.
I wouldn't even call this the tip of the ice cube of annoyances. However, it is a nice start, don't you think?
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