I have decided I have no clue what to do with the rest of my life. I suppose I always thought I'd just figure it out. As if I'd have some sort of epiphany one day, and my life would be set on its proper course. In 26 years, this has yet to happen. There are various reasons as to why this possibly has not happened for me up until now, but the major one I believe is that this doesn't happen to anyone.
Oh sure, some people graduate and head straight for some life course. I'm not knocking them - in fact, good for you guys, but what about those of us that choose not to do what our parents told us must be done? It isn't a rebellious thing that we don't immediately continue our education or drive the course preplanned for us by our loved ones. I suppose I just thought there was something better for me, but I neglected that fact that I had no idea how to get it.
I feel as though there are some major flaws and setbacks in the idea of picking a life for myself. I don't want someone telling me what to do with the rest of my life or how I should go about figuring out what to do with it. Now, this statement certainly does sound like rebellion I must admit; however, it has very little to do with rebellion and everything to do with negative pressure. It makes me feel very criticized and lowly when others assume they know what is best for me.
I grew up quickly and roughly in "the school of hard knocks" that most others haven't quite experienced. For the most part, I have done the best I could on my own (that isn't to say I hadn't had help, but for the most part I've taken care of myself ever since I was a young teenager). By the time I was 17, I had traversed life experiences that most only expect an adult of almost mid-life to have dealt with and received such veteran knowledge of. By the time I was 23, I had experienced things that surpass mid-life for the majority. I think the biggest disservice of the whole ordeal is that it has made me long to stay young. My attitude and personality absolutely refuse to grow older as the rest of me seems to be doing with no regard to the fact that I keep telling it to stop.
Ultimately, I have some huge life choices to make; and I have no idea where to begin.
It would seem that everything that makes me happy won't make me very much money, if any at all. Everything I could do well that would make money probably will not make me happy. I can't seem to find the sweet spot of the Venn Diagram of life. Maybe there isn't one.
I know several things that I can do quite well that would make a decent living, but at what cost? I sometimes don't like the person I am, or become, when I do these things.
I know several things that I'd love to do that are creative and risky, but what about money?
I sometimes don't have enough confidence in these areas, and therefore find it hard to believe I could make a living doing them.
Responsible, safe, and comfortable.
Happy, unstable, and poor.
Which path to wander?
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