Old Myspace Post

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 10:29 PM

Driving over this many miles, all you can do is think...
Current mood: content

I will always be in awe of having fallen in love with you.
All the confusion and heart drama only made it abundantly clear that I love you and I care.
I am over fretting any sin or regret, and despite my best efforts I am invested and loving it.
I am sorry that sometimes I build situations on wobbly ideals and unachievable expectations.
I should never put you in a position to feel unworthy or inadequate when you are so very far from being described by either of those words.
It is odd the way this feeling works for me.
No matter what I said in frustration you will always appear as the image of perfection in my eyes.
I will continiously think you are brilliant and more than good enough.
Any frustration I do have with you, when it occurs, is disturbingly fleeting and quickly cured by hearing your smile.
Although, in that momentary annoyance, I have allowed cruel thoughts and snide whispers to slither from my tongue.
It's a small stumble of mine in a gracious walk, but I am repeatedly regretful for my clumsy words.
It is a two way street we walk on, and the sidewalk is definitely in the center.
Regardless, I love stealing your lines.
I think doing that is my subtle and quirky way of letting you know I listen and adore you.
You have made more of an impact on my life than anyone who has ever physically touched it.
I am more comfortable talking about how I feel than I ever remember, and I'm quite sure it is your fault.
The flood gates open with you, and I don't have the urge to scramble to collect myself.
The vagueness has faded to a safe subtlety that you always understand.
No words properly show the value of you, or how much I have grown to need you and our "thing".
Not so long ago, I would squirm at the thought of telling anyone I need them for some emotional reason.
Typically, back then, I might have professed some heart felt emotion only to immediately turn defensive.
I would be overcome with self-anger at the display of weakness.
These days, I enjoy saying things.
Perhaps I even say it too often, but your awkward and boyish responses are addictive to my ears.
Disclaimers have been stripped away, and you are left to listen to me rattle and ramble on.
Sometimes people over look the small gestures.
I am quite guilty of this.
Now that I am granted all these hours to reflect with no avoidance or distraction from the subject, I realise how foolish I have been about certain things.
I won't apologise, but only remind you that you are in love with a silly girl who has atleast come to terms with being silly.
Sure, I could ask for more, but you give so much already.
You give me more than I deserve, and you ask for nothing but love.
A love which I sinfully adore letting you have, and one which allows you to have all of me.
Please take it.
I am past being afraid.
I have moved far beyond thinking I was just cheap entertainment.
I know I'm not a place holder.
I regret having ever doubted you.
Through everything that has been said and through the whole situation, You have never shown true doubt.
Now I realise how much that means.
I am so hung up in all that is you.
You make me insane-you always have, and I fucking love every minute of it.
For the record, I hope you realise when I often use the words "hot", "adorable","sexy", and etc. that I am not being vain.
Everything about you can encompass these words, yet you are lovely to me because of the person you are.
The amazing humanity and adult behind golden brown eyes and a childish humour.
I can't explain alot of things, nor describe them; but you have lead me to comprehend that it doesn't matter.
I am now just grateful that it exists.
I love the challenge of just "being" whether I fail momentarily or triumph.
If "being" were a videogame then you would be not only the boss to beat, but the cheat code to win.
You have this ability to treat me like no one else.
You seem to take the broken with the whole.
You may want me to be happy, but you have never tried to fix me.
You just accept me, and that is what I needed.
I think whatever it is we have is so unique and different.
It's something I have come to depend on, and even without the slightest change I would desire to continue nurturing it.
Despite how heartstopping it can be, it often kills me that you are a complete lifetime away.
I do not wish to instill guilt or regreat with that statement; I just wish certain things were different.
You are a whole new game with new rules, a new playing field, and large line of different choices I could've (should've?) made.
It sometimes causes a bitter-sweet smile, but I love to play.
The list of why I care and love you is extensive, and we will just sum it up as "I'm so glad you aren't my 'type' ".
Thank you for all of your wicked smiles, the comfort you provide, the giggles you evoke, and saying no.
Basically, for lack of a better term, thank you for being the silly, breathtaking man that you are.
You know I love you.....bunches.