Old Myspace Post.

Thursday, June 22, 2006 2:37 PM

My new song kicks my ass, and oh...fuck you =)
Current mood: geeky
Well, hrm. I am not sure where all this new...I do not even have a word for it...maybe energy?...is coming from. Its like the night after I posted my blog entry, Something just...snapped...but in a good way...like snapped into place.
I suppose I figured out I can either have things going the way they are going, and let it drive me crazy and drag me down OR ..I can stop being a pushover and find myself again. I suppose I woke and just ...well I do not know exactly.
I just know that if you expect me to lie down and take it from here on out, you've another thing coming. Its like suddenly my mind and my feelings had someone hit the rewind button on them.
Instead of being sad or upset, I am just angry. Not the omg I hate everything going to hit someone angry, but like the Omg I am DONE with this shit angry. The good angry. The kind of anger you get when you realise everything will always be an uphill battle, and you can either slip to the bottom or be fed up enough to fight your way to the top. I'm 100n this fight now. I was when I was younger, and I am not sure what happens as we get older...its almost as if life was about to break me. Well ya know what, Fuck you =)

I have made alot of choices thus far in 23 years. They have not always been the best, but they were MINE to make. No matter what I did or did not do when given these choices, I will remain happy with them. I will not spend the rest of my life replaying every moment figuring out if I did the right thing. I do not have time for that, so Fuck you =)

I have had alot of fucked up things happen to me. There is no denying that whatsoever. Unfortunately, most everyone has gone through that. However, I refuse to let it adversely affect me any longer. Pain, sorrow, and fear are not things I have room for in my baggage. Sorry, all this bullshit has to go. Its weighing me down and drowning me. If you expected me to hold on to it for the rest of my life, Fuck you and you carry it for me =)

I will no longer let you walk all over me. The days of Shannon being submissive are coming to an end.It is OKAY for me to be confident. I will no longer down play my intelligence, opinions, or strengths because I am scared it will intimidate you. If you can't handle it, if you arent man or woman enough to appreciate these things about me instead of be afraid of me...I.do.not.care. That stems from your lack of self worth, not mine. It is now your problem, Fuck you =)

It's alright that I am complex, and It's fine that there are 100 different sides to me. I am more than willing to introduce you to all of them. I am happy with all of the different things that make me...me. This is all there is and all you get, take it or leave it. ...oh...and Fuck you =)

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In other news. the song on my profile makes me smile and cry at the same time. I know that some people will think its the most cheesey thing ever (please read above to see how much I care what you might think =P), but it really means alot to me. It helped define things when I was younger that would all to soon become some of the most important things/events in my life. It is so bitter sweet....because now those things are long past.

I have to find the courage to call Erin today. I am super nervous. I am not sure what to say to her after all of this time, but there is no better time than now, right? I know it sounds crazy, and maybe a little..gay.. but we were so close for so long. It's like, without her, I feel like something major is missing. I always felt like a part of her family, and it always felt like we were sisters that somehow had different parents. Seriously, imagine calling an ex that you were 100n love with and then just stopped speaking to...thats about what I feel like trying to use the phone. Erin was a huge part of my life, and no matter what happens today when I call, she always will be and I will always appreciate her.

I think I so feel a really sappy entry coming later. >.<