Old Myspace Post.

Thursday, June 29, 2006 9:01 AM

Laughter....Hippie
Current mood: loved
It feels so good to laugh again. Not as though I hadn't been all this time, but, for the most part, it was that very controlled, adult laughter. I am not saying it wasn't geniune; I am saying it hadn't that freedom to it that is most commonly only found in children's laughter. Children don't care who is listening, how loud they are, how long they laugh, how weird it might sound for them to laugh, or if they are laughing at absolutely nothing. I am not sure if I was just in extra good spirits yesterday, or I have lost my complete, entire mind. All day yesterday, It was like every frustration I had ever had didn't exist, almost as if I had the chance to go back and regain some of that freedom we lose as we get older. All day yesterday, I laughed. Things weren't especially funnier the usual; I think I just took the small amount of time it takes to enjoy things. For the first time since....Well, I can't even remember since...I laughed until I was crying. By the end of the day, my sides hurt. I think even my mouth hurt from smiling. I would like to think of it as a sign of having relaxed, and I would like to think that I am finally letting this guard down that for some reason I felt I needed.

This whole ordeal to me has felt like a snake, shedding its skin. I was uncomfortable. I was moody. I was the only one that knew exactly how it felt. I was filled with apathy. Eventually, instead of hating them, I used the tools around me for support. I pulled myself along, letting the wonderful, natural things that surround me pull and tug at me in the gentle and loving fashion of nature. Finally, I was free. Finally, I can see my beautiful, shiny skin again for what it really is....me. Any bumps, scratchs, bruises, or even scars I recieved along the way make me imperfectly perfect, exactly the way we are all intended to be.

I have realised that I think I love people because of these "imperfections". I think it makes us human, and, in doing so, allows us to reach a whole new level with each other. Over time, I think its these things that allow people to continue relationships, whether they are friendships or more than. I am completely dedicated, from now on, to loving everyone and anyone for exactly who they are. Not the potential they have, not what they use to be, but for being them.

I am slowly dealing with the fact that I just might be a hippie >.< I know alot of people probably aren't fond of Yoko Ono, but , at the heart of it all, john and her had some amazing ideas. I think the idea of calling random people in the phone book, to have them pick up and you say " Hello, this is (your name here) , and I love you" then hang up, is gorgeous. I hear arguements that it would no longer be acceptable in our society, and that it never was in the first place. Thats the problem...there should be nothing wrong with loving everyone for just being themselves. We bog ourselves down in all this political correctness, and acceptable rules of our culture, and we never stop and think how different things could really be. People in general, can't even stop playing enough "games" to tell people they truly care about how they feel for fear of response and ridicule. It's unfair to treat our bodies and our minds this way. I should have every right by society and feel completely comfortable telling the people I care about how much I care, and how much I love them without it being this huge...issue. I honestly think learning to do that, would be the first step to returning to a culture that loves and cherishes its neighbor, complete strangers, as well themselves and the people they truly love.

"Hello, this is Shannon, and I love you."