Tuesday, June 20, 2006 1:39 AM
Can you see a flash light with almost dead batteries in the fog?
Current mood: accomplished
I suppose I have had a relatively good time as of late. It really is like, a daily battle to figure out which Shannon you are going to get today. I have been winning more often than not these past few days, so I suppose thats a good thing. I really dislike depressed, moody, crazy Shannon. It can be super hard to repress somedays though.
Sometimes I think I am not religious enough or something. Maybe I am just not motivated enough to find some kind of enlightenment. No idea. I don't remember being this person that I am. It is definitely someone I have become. I am pretty sure I dislike it. At some point I stopped caring, and its not the good kind. I feel trapped behind this massive fortress or something I have built. I just cannot get over it. My doctor thought I should be "put on something". I seriously do not want to medicate myself to overcome this though. Sure it would be an easy fix, and I suppose now its socially acceptable to be on happy pills. I just wasn't always like this...so there has to be a way to change it without such things.
Bleh. I don't know. I feel like my life is one huge mess. And I seriously do not want to be one of those " oh woe is me, I am so traumatized from my life, I need someone to fix me" girls. I am TERRIFIED that I am like that. The thought of being that way..it just disgust me. I am much stronger a woman than that, and use to take pride in being that way; I have just been weak lately. Disgustingly weak. And...its going to stop....now.
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