Old Myspace Post.

Friday, May 26, 2006 2:05 AM

Relax
Current mood: indescribable
Alright, well. First things...I'm feeling alot better than I have in a long time. I am not really sure why exactly. Maybe I was just feeling very high strung lately or something, but it seems to be passing for the moment once again.
Everything is so weird sometimes...my emotions just alwas ebb and flow..one emotion quickly being replaced by another. Sometimes I wonder if its just me, or is this a normal thing? I try to be very calculated and controlled, but sometimes I think its not working. Right now, I feel good.....very very weird...but good; so I am just gonna try to ride this feeling as long as possible.

There are no real highlights as of late, I left my job eventually. I am okay with that, since I am starting soon at a new one that pays much better and doesnt cause me to lie and feel dirty all the time. A man got shot outside my house at the beginning of the month. I think I have finally convinced myself that it couldve happened anywhere, not just here. I had lots of fun this weekend going out with new friends. We went to Casey Jones and I got smashed along with everyone else. I also got in a bit of trouble, but I would rather not mention that ever >.< Thanks for understanding Dave =D.
I miss my old friends. I find myself thinking about Cam and Gui and Danielle and Doug alot sometimes, but at the same time...I suppose those bridges are burned in some fashion and can never be replaced...Eh, I tried, maybe I couldve tried harder, who knows.

I realise I'm just rambling, but I am pretty confident that its because I always have these things...sometimes random things and sometimes important things...that I just want to tell somebody, ANYBODY, like somedays, even just scream them to everyone...but I feel like I cant. Like, if anyone knows, I wont be the same person that I am to them. Every single person that I can think of to say these things to....I am almost confident that atleast one of my many unvoiced thoughts would shatter whatever they think of me. Thats not to say I am a horrible person... or that I pretend to be someone I am not....Its just like...oddly enough....you think you know, but you have know idea...lol. I never give ALL of myself up, I never have; and I am not sure I ever could. I just want to let go....

There is also this crazy thing going on...damn its crazy, and I fucking love it, and I shouldnt.