Hypochondria

I has it. Not only do I have it, but it has been acting up pretty bad lately.
I realize, like most everyone on the planet, I need to take much better care of my body. It has been thoroughly abused the last 27 years, and needs some tender, love, and care.

With that said, the things going through my mind are crazy. I am pretty sure I am going to give myself some sort of disease just by worrying about it. Everyone tells me it is okay, but to someone like me it just seems like they are afraid to admit the truth. In my mind, 99% of people are afraid to admit that something horrible can happen to themselves or the loved ones. I am the 1%.

This last few weeks it has been liver failure or cirrhosis. I've had this red spot on my lower abdomen / stomach for a while now. I go back and forth thinking it is no big deal. I don't go to the doctor for fear it is something terminal or that I will need surgery or risky drugs. Instead, I stare at WebMD and worry about it. Well, the skin at the red spot seemed to have a different texture than the rest of my skin and was not soft. So, I began to put lotion on it. That seemed to help at first. Now tonight I am sitting here on the couch on my laptop, and it is itching like crazy. Not only is it itching, but it is spreading. Now there is the major red spot, but around it are these splotchy, itching red spots. They look pretty terrible, and have me worried.

I am going to quit drinking, eat right, and stop smoking. I can't take this anymore. God help me.